He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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