I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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