12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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