Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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