I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
