Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
