Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The air was thick with penises
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Randomize
