Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
