I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I think a kid would responsible me up
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
