My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
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His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
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If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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