I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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