Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
