Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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