dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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