Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
