What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
