There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
