I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
