she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
