either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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