He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
