nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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