You're completely useless in the revolution.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
