I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
