Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
