Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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