bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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