he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
