Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
