Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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