My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
