Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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