You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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