I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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