fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
