I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
