I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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