4 words: hood of his car
is wine microwaveable?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
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Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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