YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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