I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
