I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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