I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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