I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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