i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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