She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
