TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
