return my video game
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
