i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
