Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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