just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
