He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
