You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I think people are normalizing furries
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
