Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
only you would photoshop your dick
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
