I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
