I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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