guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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