After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
