he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
3 2 1 whiskey
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
