its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
