we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
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I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
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We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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