Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
