I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
