Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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