yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
