Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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