I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
