i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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