Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
