see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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