i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
