He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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