I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
