Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
