found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
