too bad you live with your parents still
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
